I went to visit my friend Florence in Taung over the weekend. I have been worried about her since she had some surgery on October 12 – women’s stuff – and I hadn’t been to see her or the Support Group because they haven’t been meeting regularly. Once she was down for the count with the surgery and recovering, nothing has been happening at all to move their agenda forward. She’s the Chair of an uncommitted committee.
The grant period is coming to the end and I have to report to the funders what is going on in each community, what worked, what didn’t, etc. etc. But to me it is more than that. This is one hardworking woman who wants to improve things for her son and other disabled kids in their community, but she can’t get any traction or help from the other parents.
I suggested its best for her to get healthy and recover her strength before she does anything, and then we should have a meeting with everyone to see if they want to keep pushing their agenda forward or not. They are the newest group, having just become an official non-governmental organization this year, and are really having a troubled infancy. If my counterpart had not left in July, he might have been able to get further with them than I have been able to, but he was also struggling with this group before he left, so maybe not.
This is the group I brought clothing back to from home when I went home in August. I had discussed with her then in great detail about the group working together to sell it, and being sure to have a good plan to work as a team and decide which way to go. I helped her with a mini-business plan and talked about keeping track of what she sold everything for. Back then, when I met up with her after a few weeks, I had a first thought she had told me she had sold it all for 950 Pula. But what she had really told me was that if they sold it all, they would get 950 Pula. And what she was REALLY saying was if the people who promised to pay for clothing they took actually paid, they would get 950 Pula. The reality was that, given how things work and how people share things and how you don’t tell people “no” if they really need something, she had given many of the people the clothing first, with only their promise to pay later. The result being that now, in November, she managed to retrieve about 400 Pula and will probably never see any more.
And since you need 1000 Pula to open a bank account, and the bank takes 50 Pula a month in fees, these groups can’t open and keep active bank accounts, so the 400 Pula sits at the treasurer’s house. We decided it would be good to put it in an account at the post office, designed for those who want to keep money safe but don’t have 1000 Pula, but the local post office won’t do it, so she is supposed to go to Gaborone to the big post office there. That takes about 35 Pula for a round trip from Taung. So the Pula sits under a mattress somewhere, of great temptation or target, depending on how things go.
Meanwhile her younger brother, the Kgosi for Taung is getting married on December 10, with the Groom’s party at her mother’s house on the 17th, so the family will be forking out a huge amount of Pula for that one. The family as a whole is probably better off than most, she is personally at a disadvantage because she is a widow and her son is disabled, but at least her family won’t leave her adrift.
I got invited to the wedding today. Then I got invited to come the day before around 4 p.m. to help prepare all the food. Late into the night. That is the woman’s role and I will have a bed at her mom’s house should I decide to join in. Sure, I want to work my ass of in the heat all day long, then the next day. No really, I do. It will be an insider’s view on the whole mechanics of putting on a meal for an unknown number of people and I am honored she invited me into the “inner family circle.”
Today when I went to see her, I took apples and cookies for whatever kids would invariably be at the house and there were at least 6 young ones who showed up, all cousins - Florence’s nieces and nephews - none of them siblings. She comes from a large family. I am a bit of a freak in that I too come from a large family (a freakish one at that, but not my point), but don’t have a bunch of kids. People here just don’t get not having a bunch. Frankly, I like having bunches (okay, since it isn’t a “bunch of kids” like a “gaggle of geese” or a “pride of lions” then what is it??) around, but it must be hard to feed, clothe and school all of them. And the more friends I make, the more people I wish I could help with various financial aspects of their lives, but it just isn’t possible, nor appropriate.
I know this isn’t really the answer, but I imagine that millionaires should be required to join Peace Corps work and live in the community but also covertly give money to people who really need it, especially helping the kids with education. That is what is going to help people the most, especially getting the girls educated. Women are the ones who will change the world and smart young women will do it faster, to be sure.
On that note, a sad story. One of the women working at Camphill went to her home town this weekend for a funeral. Not the stereotypical AIDS related death. A young woman, 24 years old, was killed by her boyfriend. My co-workers said this is increasingly common. It’s the downside of women becoming empowered when the culture and laws don’t change as quickly. She was clearly angry and mourning the loss of her friend. I could tell she was also fearful; fearful that she might be in a relationship some day like this one. She is no shrinking violet and maybe that scares her even more. We discussed that it is common for this type of thing to happen when behaviors and expectations change before cultural norms and laws to protect women do, but what I really wanted to do was just cry for the loss.
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