So a few weeks back I had the Girls watch the original Dirty Dancing. I thought, well, it is a bit mature, but we could maybe talk about after and, shit, Patrick Swayze. I needed a PS fix. I don’t think the Girls had any idea how hot he was in that movie. It made me feel sad and old and sad again just watching it. I needn’t have worried. The two younger girls, who also don’t speak English as well as the 15 year old, tired of it early on and went outside to play some game or another. The older girl, I need to watch out for.
I was walking home from the bus one day and a man was calling various things to a girl on the road in front of me. I hadn’ t a clue what he was saying, which means he wasn’t using any of the polite greetings I have learned to use, but the girl was saying, “no sir,” repeatedly, and trying not to engage with him. When I got to her, I saw it was one of MY Girls, the oldest one. I asked her if she knew him and she said no. She didn’t go in to what he was saying to her, so my untrusting nature figures he was coming on to her and I wanted to go and hit him over the head with something hard or sharp or both, but that would have been wrong and probably on the list of things you can do to get yourself kicked out of the Peace Corps.
The culture here, and the socio-economic realities of some people’s lives, make it possible and acceptable to a degree for older men to have something to offer younger women in exchange for sex. Now, I have to qualify that with a clear statement that I believe this is not strictly a function of this society. One needs only to look at how it is culturally acceptable in the US for a guy in his 60s, 70s, 80s, etc. to date and even marry a woman more than half his age, or at least 10 to 20 years younger, and this often seems to happen a lot more (or at least it is in the news a lot more) if the guy is loaded (I mean financially, not alcoholically speaking.) The difference here may be to the degree it occurs and the danger involved. In a country with such a high prevalence of HIV, these economically based decisions can be disastrous for the girl.
Girls at this age just aren’t mature enough to make these kinds of decisions or to be equal partners in the relationship. This often means they aren’t making wise decisions about condom use or even allowed to make a statement about condom use. It is literally, and sorry for the pun here, left in his hands. I would also argue that a man that chooses these young girls isn’t all that mature either, but in an entirely different way. Having once also been a 15 year old girl who would have been, and once or twice was, thrilled by the attention of an older guy, I can see the danger in this. Luckily, I didn’t have to make decisions based on what a man was offering me financially, but could make it based on whether I was comfortable or ready for that, with that person at that time, which I wasn’t, although I had friends in high school who were and did. Again, the risks health-wise simply didn’t exist the way they do here.
Being a woman that has set up my life to never be dependent on a man financially means I can make my choices for more emotionally stunted reasons, but at least it isn’t about the money. I am proud even if more poor for it. But how do you explain that to someone who is REALLY poor and young and so vulnerable? The secret of HIV prevention: empowering young girls and women to be able to make wise decisions. And getting men to back off and allow women to be real partners in relationships. Ah, this is the secret to life in the heterosexual world. The gay world has to learn the same thing too, actually, but there it’s not so much gender based as treated others kindly based. So I guess relationships are about equality and partnership versus power and control. Good luck with that. I have my cats and we share the power. I have opposable thumbs and they tell me how to use them.
Okay, way off topic now. Say goodnight Gracie.
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